Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
