Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ugly people sure do ruin things
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize