I think I won the penis lottery.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
