my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
