I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
