he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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