You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
