1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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