It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
