Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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