Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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