Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
