Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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