Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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