he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
