I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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