this beer tastes like vomit already
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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