just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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