I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
