Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize