So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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