I just saw a hot homeless man
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
