How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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