good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
