U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
