Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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