Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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