Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
