Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
