saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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