mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
