Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
