Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
