i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
my liver is dry heaving
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
