hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
