You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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