Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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