hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
