Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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