i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
