doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
