But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
