haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
