why didn't you poke me back
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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