Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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