I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
