Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
