Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
