It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
