Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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