Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
