yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
