Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
