Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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