She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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