I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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