I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
