I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize