Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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