Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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