I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
