When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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