Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
