i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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