I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
