Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
