FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
