We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sext me about skeletons
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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