my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
