im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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