dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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