sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
