i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize