There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
