You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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